Love Letter to Los Angeles
Dear friends in LA,
In October 2017 in Sonoma County, we had a saying. The love in the air is thicker than the smoke.
I wish I could say I couldn't imagine what you're going through, but the truth is, I can.
Even though our experiences are undoubtedly different, I, too, never imagined in my wildest nightmares that my little house located smack dab in the middle of a suburban neighborhood would be at risk of burning down in a freaking wildfire.
Wildfires are what happen when you live in the middle of a forested area—among communities with burn days and defensible space requirements. NOT on a cul-de-sac in the middle of a city.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
But, it did. So now what?
A video hit my feed the other day of a mother trying to explain to her young children that when seemingly awful, terrible things happen, it doesn't mean it's a bad thing, but a potent thing.
As humans, we can't always control what happens to us, but we do have the ability to control the narrative—or what we tell ourselves.
Let's come back to that.
Here are some important things to understand and accept at this stage of the game.
You are grieving.
Going through the loss of a home and having your life disrupted at such a massive scale is a LOSS. It's equivalent to losing a loved one. Grief and loss can bring out the best in people, but it can also bring out the worst.
The most important thing to understand is that everyone deals with grief differently, and we're not really in control of how we handle it. This can result in a lot of butting heads, especially in cases where families or friends are sheltering together who normally don't coexist.
Try to remember that we're all doing our best. Things will calm down eventually when the survival mode alarms aren't quite as urgent. Until then, try to be kind and give grace, especially for yourself.
It will get better. But until then, what the fuck do you do?
I put together a list of things that came to mind for the first steps of dealing with the loss. I will also share some links to past articles I've written about trauma and loss that may prove useful.
- Document as much as possible early for insurance purposes on what was lost. Make a spreadsheet and have a different tab for every room while it's clear in your head what was where.
- If you had insurance, they will guide you through the process, but at this point you should know you'll have the choice of having them pay for a rebuild on the existing property, or relocation/new home. The payouts for either option are different and it's totally based on your own situation/finances/etc. but you'll get the most for your money if you rebuild, even if you decide not to live there again.
- Insurance money is handled by being divided into buckets. There's rebuild money which is separate from personal property (anything unattached to the house that was lost) which is separate from displacement costs. Displacement costs cover things like hotels, rent, buying an RV to live in while construction is happening, even things like a gym membership if, for example, you lost a home gym. You can't use one bucket for another purpose, so take advantage while you can.
- Find your community's resources early. Facebook pages, Nextdoor, whatever. Your neighborhood's little communities are going to be an invaluable resource moving forward. Lean on each other for support and updates. I'm sure things have changed in the last 7 years since my fire happened.
- Remember that you are grieving. (See above) This will, for many, develop into complex trauma at some point down the road when the dust settles. Give yourself grace then as well. It's a LONG process. PTSD is real. But things will get better.
- Friend or family member of someone who has lost everything? One thing YOU can do—Start a GoFundMe or equivalent and share the link with your family's network. Your folks might not think that they need anything from anyone, but someone has to step up and look out. Your family and friends are going to want to help and sometimes it's hard to say yes to that. But believe me, just knowing how many people love you and support you by seeing donations come in is a big deal. And if it turns out you don't need the money, you can donate it to someone else who does.
Questions or media inquiries? Please reach out.
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